Here I am, about to turn 1/2 a century. That's enough to give anyone pause-can I really have been alive that long? I don't feel any older than I did when I was 20. Ok, Ok, maybe when it's really cold or raining and my broken/healed ankle hurts or my fingers feel a little stiff, maybe then I feel my age, but for the most part I wonder who that woman is in the mirror!
I stand amazed at how my body is growing older and my mind/spirit is staying put. How is that possible? Is that how we age and stay "young at heart?" In my mind I can keep up with my grandkids, I can exercise with the best of them, I can hike up the mountain and ride my bike and not get tired out too quickly. In reality, I fade fast, I get winded quickly, my body hurts, it takes days to recover from just a hike in the heat! I don't hold up like I used to. I think I'll stick to my fantasy of not growing old!
I look at my Dad and Mom and wonder how they grew old, in my mind they are the young, active parents who tried so hard to keep up with my sister and brother and I. I still see my Dad in his cowboy hat and black and white custom boots, standing on the mesa looking for all the world like an older James Dean. I see my Mom in pedal pushers (now called Capri's!) and loafers, curly brown hair and a curvy figure, catching the eyes of the guys as she passes by. Those are the parents I remember and still see - not noticing the gray hair and bifocals.
I still have two grandparents alive. My grandchildren have great, great grandparents! They are both weak and feeble and I know in my heart they won't be here long. We truly are a "vapor, a mist" a blip in the grand scheme of things.
How can we make our mark on this world? How do we keep ourselves "alive" in the memories and history of our world when we are not famous, we are not world leaders, we are not in the news, how? We leave a heritage of our children and they carry on our ideals, our looks, our beliefs in God, our past. As long as we remain in their memories, we remain .
I am feeling very mortal this week. We had our sixth grandchild and out of six children two are now estranged. I celebrated the birth of a new life into this world and it hung by a thread. It is still in the balance as I write this. He was born with a serious congenital birth defect and will have surgery on Monday. He was hooked to so many machines I couldn't even hold him. All I could do was stoke his head and sing to him and tell him how much he was loved and to hold on, Jesus was holding him tight when we couldn't. How could I have lived my life for nearly 50 years and this child not even have a chance? I would trade with him.
In heaven we have two grandchildren. I am comforted by the knowledge that I will see them someday and at the same time haunted by the refrain from Sting's song, "Will I know in you in Heaven..." Will I know them?
The Bible tell us we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, cheering us on toward the goal. Who are those witnesses? Angels, family members, people who have passed that know of us but perhaps our verbal history has forgotten them? I don't know. I do know they are there, they are cheering for me and for you. My babies are there, my Grandfather is there, Trace's Dad is there, ancestors that I don't know, and eventually my parents will be there. They will know of my race, they will be at the finish line when I go to meet Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you for letting us know our families know about us, have knowledge even when they have passed over. It is comforting, it is a security blanket that helps me feel OK about growing older and eventually leaving this world for a better place.
I stand amazed at how my body is growing older and my mind/spirit is staying put. How is that possible? Is that how we age and stay "young at heart?" In my mind I can keep up with my grandkids, I can exercise with the best of them, I can hike up the mountain and ride my bike and not get tired out too quickly. In reality, I fade fast, I get winded quickly, my body hurts, it takes days to recover from just a hike in the heat! I don't hold up like I used to. I think I'll stick to my fantasy of not growing old!
I look at my Dad and Mom and wonder how they grew old, in my mind they are the young, active parents who tried so hard to keep up with my sister and brother and I. I still see my Dad in his cowboy hat and black and white custom boots, standing on the mesa looking for all the world like an older James Dean. I see my Mom in pedal pushers (now called Capri's!) and loafers, curly brown hair and a curvy figure, catching the eyes of the guys as she passes by. Those are the parents I remember and still see - not noticing the gray hair and bifocals.
I still have two grandparents alive. My grandchildren have great, great grandparents! They are both weak and feeble and I know in my heart they won't be here long. We truly are a "vapor, a mist" a blip in the grand scheme of things.
How can we make our mark on this world? How do we keep ourselves "alive" in the memories and history of our world when we are not famous, we are not world leaders, we are not in the news, how? We leave a heritage of our children and they carry on our ideals, our looks, our beliefs in God, our past. As long as we remain in their memories, we remain .
I am feeling very mortal this week. We had our sixth grandchild and out of six children two are now estranged. I celebrated the birth of a new life into this world and it hung by a thread. It is still in the balance as I write this. He was born with a serious congenital birth defect and will have surgery on Monday. He was hooked to so many machines I couldn't even hold him. All I could do was stoke his head and sing to him and tell him how much he was loved and to hold on, Jesus was holding him tight when we couldn't. How could I have lived my life for nearly 50 years and this child not even have a chance? I would trade with him.
In heaven we have two grandchildren. I am comforted by the knowledge that I will see them someday and at the same time haunted by the refrain from Sting's song, "Will I know in you in Heaven..." Will I know them?
The Bible tell us we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, cheering us on toward the goal. Who are those witnesses? Angels, family members, people who have passed that know of us but perhaps our verbal history has forgotten them? I don't know. I do know they are there, they are cheering for me and for you. My babies are there, my Grandfather is there, Trace's Dad is there, ancestors that I don't know, and eventually my parents will be there. They will know of my race, they will be at the finish line when I go to meet Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you for letting us know our families know about us, have knowledge even when they have passed over. It is comforting, it is a security blanket that helps me feel OK about growing older and eventually leaving this world for a better place.
